The Right Way To Live

By Jessie Martin

I've noticed with the rise of social media and technology in general, that everyone seems to be either posting a countdown of how long they have to wait until their next trip or holiday OR post-trip depression and withdrawal photos saying things like "wish I was back here" and "Throw back Thursday" OR photos of them having the time of their lives ON the trip "from where you'd rather be".

It's all focused around the fact that our lives almost revolve around getaways because our daily routine lives are so draining that we would just much rather be anywhere else- and sure, everyone loves a good holiday and a nice getaway, but you can't do it all the time because you would run out of money and you have to get back to reality, right?

But... is that right...? Why can't we live like we're on holiday all the time? I would love to know what we would look forward to and how different some of us would be if we were constantly in holiday mode, and didn't have this dream trip to look forward to- if it was just a constant reality.

Shouldn't life be like that...? Shouldn't we be able to live wherever we want to live? And do whatever we want to do? Sure we need money to live luxuriously, and if we're being realistic then yes, we all have to work to get what we want, but why can't we have the best of both worlds?

Our lives have become so centred around our jobs and our careers that simple things like love, and friendships, and nature, and the world, and even the planet, are so much less important to us. 

We would rather spend money on fake tans, and teeth whitening, and expensive clothes and shoes and bags to try and impress people and look good, but for what? What are you actually gaining from spending money on that skirt that you will probably never wear, and those earrings that will probably just sit on your shelf? A very brief feeling of what you assume will be happiness, but will actually just be an illusion, and by the end of the week all you will have is the same empty feeling and a rapidly decreasing bank account to match.

Life just seems to have become such a vicious & endless cycle- you study, study, study at school, and work hard at your exams, just to go on and study more and do more exams at university, so you can get a "good" job and work even more, so that eventually when you turn 70 you can sit in a rocking chair and look out the window at some pretty trees swaying in the wind, trying to remember what it felt like to climb them... 

It is so ingrained into us that we need to create these foundations for our future when we are young and start this career and path for ourselves that can help us earn lots of money, but we have so long to figure all of that out, whats the rush? Why do we need to worry about the money we're going to want to spend in the future? People can be just as happy without a big fancy house and an equally large mortgage. People can be happy debtlessly frolicking through life, from place to place.

We don't live in the present enough, we spend so much time either stressing about the future, and what might or might not happen, or we're reminiscing on the past and "the good old days" when we had "more time" and less responsibilities. 

Whenever someone is going on a trip or holiday people are always "so jealous" and call you "lucky" but there is absolutely no reason why they can't do it too.

You may have won a trip or gotten one as a gift, in which case you are lucky! 

But usually, it's a trip that you've worked your ass off to save for so that you could have an escape and a break from your daily life, and there is nothing "lucky" about that, and they are jealous; they are jealous of the fact that you have the guts to leave it all behind for a while and spend your hard earned cash on a well deserved trip to somewhere they would kill to be.

But it really comes down to what you want out of life and what you think will make you happy. 

If you love your job, your friends, your family and your life just the way it is and the way it's going, then continue on, congrats! But if you don't, don't feel like you're trapped in some endless cycle of expectations that society has created for you to fulfil, because you definitely aren't.

If you hate your job as it is, then why not pick up something simple like bartending or barista-ing and be able to travel with it and just work in place to place as you go? 

Everyone feels like they are trapped and they have to decide what career they want to work towards, or that they have kids to look after and bills to pay- but seriously, you only live once... and I know that sounds cliche' and simple... but not enough people seem to realise it and make the most of it!

There is ALWAYS going to be plenty of time to go to university, get that degree that you think you might like but is really just your parent's idea of financial stability. 

There is always going to be time to work in a job that you hate, to get a mortgage, get married, have kids, get loans, pay bills, settle down, etc. 

But I don't understand why young people are expected to worry so much about creating their futures so early on... why aren't we encouraged to make the most of our youth and live like there's no tomorrow and seize the fucking day! CARPE FUCKING DIEM!

It takes balls, it takes boldness and it takes a shit tonne of bravery- but I IMPLORE you to drop all of it! All the materialist, consumerist and unfulfilling ways of life that you are so used to- your 9-5 desk job, your crappy on/off relationship, your superficial and expensive social life, your financially depleting cramped apartment, and even your family- who will definitely still be there when you get back- or even better- take them with you.. but if no one is willing to take the leap with you, then leap on your own... and GO! 

Stop waiting for "the right time", stop waiting for "the right person" and live your life like you have nothing to tie you down, no expectations, responsibilities and no one to look out for but yourself and those people who are truly worth it.

Take the world by storm, see everything you possibly can and just do what makes you happy- there's no time to waste on anything else.

Free Bird

I'm so sick of people telling me how to live my life.
I'm so sick of people throwing their opinions in my face when I haven't asked to hear them.
I'm so sick of people giving me what they think is "helpful advice" when really, it's not.
I'm so sick of people telling me "that's going to be hard" or "you'll regret doing that".

Firstly, when did everybody become so god damn cynical?
Why the negativity, and why the constant need to push your beliefs onto others?
I'm perfectly happy living my own life, so why can't you let me!
I feel like I've been raised in a bubble, and that I'm used to it now so I'm really going to struggle to get out of it comfortably, but I think I really need to pop it and run for the fucking hills.
& start a life of my own in those hills, and not go running back to the bubble, because I need to learn to be me, on my own, discover the world and discover who me even is, before I become this robot person that just adheres to societies expectations, working 9-5 everyday, getting married, having kids, caring about materialistic and superficial things, rather than happiness and the important stuff.

I might be naive, I know that I'm young and inexperienced and although I try to expect the worse, I probably have no clue... But that's why I think I need to see the worst, so I can appreciate the best, and gain experience and wisdom and all that jazz.
I feel like everything that I've ever once wanted in my life, I have been talked out of or told that it would be a mistake or unstable or not financially viable or that I can't do it, and thus I have given up, and that's bull shit, because now I feel so lost and so unhappy and I don't even know what I want anymore, because I can't hear myself over everyone else's opinions yelling in my face at once.
So speak up, little heart, speak up and stand up for what you need and what you want.

& I definitely DO NOT need a man to make me feel validated in life!
Sure some romance is nice and if the love of my life walks in tomorrow, I'd follow him to the ends of the earth, but until then, I have no obligations to any body, and i'm sure as hell not going to waste my time on some douchebag who thinks the sun shines out of their own asshole!
I don't owe anyone anything, I don't want to feel like I have to think about someone else when I make my decisions, because I did that for over a year and it was crappy and make me severely unhappy!
I'm sick of everyone telling me how I should feel or assuming that I do feel a certain way about things, and putting so many boundaries around me, like I'm a piece of land that needs to be fenced off so that they can shove their flag into my soil and claim me as their property.
That's what it feels like sometimes.

No thank you. I am nineteen years old, and I have the world at my feet, and my whole life ahead of me. I am in no rush to get a degree, start a career, rush into a relationship, get married, have children, or any of it. I have all the time in the world for those things later in life, but right now, I am young and I am reasonably free, so I'm going to make the most of the years that I can just focus on myself and have no baggage. I am going to go and see the world and live amongst people who I've never met and work my ass off and live life day by day. I don't need someone around to help me make decisions or to tell me how to feel about things, because how am I meant to know how I feel about things, with everyone else's opinions clouding my view?

I am young, I am free, and I am coming world; hear me roar!

Filling the Void

There's always a boy...

Why is there always a boy?

There's so many nights that I spend alone, thinking about where else I could be.
Thinking about who else I could be with, or who I could be talking to.
Or what I could be achieving ...
It seems like, even when there's someone with a genuine interest in me, it's never the someone I want it to be, and is that ungrateful or is that right?
Do I deserve someone I want, or should I settle for someone who wants me?
Should I wait around for someone who might never come along?
Of course I should, but it's killing me.
I hate that I'm so emotionally dependent on other people.
I feel like there was a time when I wasn't, but I've gotten into this seemingly irreversible cycle where I'm constantly relying on someone else to feel happy or validated.
Sometimes I just feel really sad and empty, like I could float away with the lightest of breezes.

Katy Perry once sung: "Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag, sailing through the wind... ready to start again?".. & I always thought they were stupid lyrics, because who the hell compares themselves to a plastic bag? But it's actually a very relatable metaphor... I feel like I could easily be swept up and blown away because I feel this emptiness and this lightness, like I'm transparent and hollow...
& I don't know how to fill the void.
I'm hoping that travelling Europe will either fill the void for a while, and open up this creativity and happiness inside of me, or that it will help guide me to find what will fill the void!
& it's funny because, we all go searching for ourselves as if our identities are lost objects, but really they're buried deep inside of us and most of us are just too scared to look inside on our own.
Most of us are so brainwashed with societies expectations and what we think we should want and who we think we should be that we never let ourselves work on instinct anymore.
We've broken away from nature and severed our spiritual ties almost completely.
& I'm not talking about God here, I'm talking about our sense of selves.
We lost it in a chaotic mess of selfies, instant messaging, nudes, video chats, texting, and the works.

So maybe if I force myself to go and live somewhere where I have no financial stability, I'm out of my comfort zone and I'm completely surrounded by nature and semi-cut off from the technological world, I will finally be able to find what I need to fill the void.

Being Alone Without Feeling Lonely

I feel like we're brought up to rely on the company of others to make us happy.
I feel like girls especially, are made to feel like they have to have a boyfriend to make them feel complete and happy and of any worth.
I feel like sometimes the whole 'couple' concept is so heavily ingrained into us, that when we aren't in a couple, we feel incomplete, or like we're doing something wrong.
But what ever happened to good old fashioned alone time?
I don't mean the kind of alone time that involves staying home feeling sorry for yourself, eating ice-cream and watching bad movies or tv shows.
I mean the kind of alone time that allows you to really get to know yourself.
Soul searching, Personality establishing, Invigorating, Enlightening, Alone time.
The kind of alone time where you genuinely want to spend time on your own.
Alone time that doesn't make you feel lonely.

I feel like the young generations these days, myself included, are so wrapped up in finding someone else to 'complete' them, or even just to talk to so they don't feel alone, that they don't ever bother getting to know themselves, and therefore, end up unhappy.
The amount of 12 years I've seen worrying about being "forever alone" is ridiculous.
Its even sad when 20 year olds think they're "forever alone".
Because seriously, you have your whole life ahead of you, and it's going to be full of random bump ins, and spontaneous meetings and all sorts of new and old people that will come into your life and surprise you or even just be right under your nose.
You WILL find love, whether it's the kind you were expecting or not.
& all of us get lonely sometimes and wish that we just had someone already.
But it doesn't work like that.

& what's worse is that, you shouldn't feel like you need somebody else to justify your existence.
You shouldn't feel like because you're single, that you have no worth or you can't be happy alone.
You should feel the most comfortable around yourself, because you are the person who should know yourself the best, and love yourself the most (apart from your mother of course).
Obviously everyone wants to be loved by others, but I cannot emphasise enough, how vital it is to love yourself first...
Because if you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

I was in a serious relationship for about a year and a half.
We lived together which wasn't the best idea, because it was my first experience living out of home.
It was meant to be my big 'move out' moment, but instead it was 'our' big 'move in' moment.
Obviously I didn't see this at the time- I thought it was a great idea, for "us"- but at that age, I should of been thinking about one person, and one person only- me.
& that's not to say everyone should think about themselves and only themselves, and not be in relationships- it's just that I think you really need to experience some things on your own, before you're ready to fully commit to someone else.
You have to know yourself, and love yourself, before anyone else can.
You have to be able to be alone and not feel lonely.
& I really don't think that you know yourself if you've only ever been with someone else.
I didn't realise until after I'd been broken up with by this guy, that I'd grown as a person with him, that he had had a lot of influence on my personality and growing, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but it just made me realise that because I'd started this 'adult' journey with him, I had no idea how to be an 'adult' on my own because I'd never been one on my own.
He didn't make me who I was, but we'd spent so much time together, and so many of my memories were with him, that I felt so lost when we broke up, and completely unsure of myself, and who I was.

As Oscar Wilde, once said:

"I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. 

You need to know how to be alone and not be

defined by another person"

So that leaves us with the question of: How can you be alone, without feeling lonely?

And sadly, I don't know the answer.

I'm still searching. I'm still confused. I'm still lost.

I don't know myself, and I feel so dependent on people and so alone sometimes.

But I think that it's important for me to feel this way, and to do some serious soul searching so that I do find out who I am and who I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do.

Sometimes I think, yeah if I had a significant other right now, I wouldn't feel so lost, I would have someone to help me and someone to rely on and someone to love me and help me feel validated.

But what kind of fucked up thinking is that?

I should be able to feel that way by myself. 

How can I put all that baggage and all those expectations on someone I'm meant to love?

I need to get to know myself to my core, before I can love myself.

& I need to love myself, before I can expect anyone else to.

So- If you feel alone, write about it.

If you feel alone, put on some music and lay on your bed and stare at the ceiling until you feel too numb to move and let your mind wander and drag.

If you feel alone, call a friend or a sister or a cousin or an aunty or your mother or cuddle with your dog, or invite someone over who will make you feel happy and who will cheer you up.

If you feel alone, ask yourself why?

If you feel alone, do something for yourself, do something that you want to do or have always wanted to do, but never gotten around to doing.

If you feel alone, sing really loud and dance on your bed.

If you feel alone, then go out and meet people.

If you feel alone, then google all the more depressing shit that's going on in the world and read about all the people who have it 999999999999 x worse than you do.

If you feel alone, read a book or watch a movie and pretend you're someone else for a while.

If you feel alone, go for a walk or a run and 'be one with nature'.

If you feel alone, book some sort of trip, big or small, and go somewhere amazing and somewhere super busy where you can stand and not only observe the beauty of the world but the beauty of humanity, and you can just enjoy it on your own and feel connected to the world.

If you feel alone, get a fucking dog, don't put that kind of emotional baggage onto other people.

If you feel alone, get drunk and feel sorry for yourself.

If you feel alone....

You are not alone.

(not a Michael Jackson song reference ;) )

Beyond an Old Fear

I rely on other people for my own happiness too much.

I don’t do it on purpose, it happens on it’s own.

I get sad when I don’t get a reply straight away. I worry. I stress.

Someone or something must be more interesting than me.

And then there are times when I think I am super. I am great.

But I am still only me. & I have flaws. And faults.

But also great characteristics and funny moments.

I’m unique. I’m different. I’m only a girl. I’m also a person.

I have my ups and I have my downs.

I have my sad days, and I have my happy days. I’m only human.

& I want someone who loves both of those sides, without question.

Who will take me for the whole picture, not just the pretty side with the greener grass and brighter skies.

& I think it’s natural that people attach themselves to others, emotionally.

& I am emotional, very emotional, so it’s even worse for me.

& I’m not saying I want it to end, I just want to be more self sufficient.

I just don’t know how.

How can I not let anyone else effect my happiness? How can I make myself happy?

I don’t know, I just feel empty.

My life is lacking direction right now and I want to leave and travel and live.

But there’s things holding me here, and life is holding me here.

& I’m letting it.

& I feel alone, and that makes me sad.

& there’s all these love stories that we grow up with, that teach us to have false expectations of love and of boys and of relationships, and they suck.

Because maybe there isn’t such thing as a soul mate.

Maybe there isn’t a knight in shining armour or a prince charming who will come and sweep me off my feet.

& I don’t know if I like that.

I don’t want to just settle for anyone. I want a hurricane to cut across my fields, tear me up from the roots, like an old tree, and rip me out of the ground so hard, that I don’t even have a second of time to look back on what my life was.

Am I asking for a miracle?

I just feel sad.

I just want to be loved.

Is that too much to ask?

A Material Girl, In A Material World

It has come to my attention, that I am, without a doubt,
A Material Girl, In A Material World. & I hate it. I hate that I rely on material possessions as much as I do. The main thing that has brought this to my attention, as of late, is

TRAVELLING!
How am I meant to travel the world with 27 suitcases full of junk?
I want to be able to pack light & easy, so that I don't have to constantly be worried about losing things, or needing things. I want to be able to jump up and move on to the next destination without too much stuffing around! All I really need, is clothes, and even they can be bought anywhere.
Essentials= Money & a Passport 
& that's all. That is literally all I need to do what I want to. & you know what, I HAVE those things! I am ready. Although, I guess I could use some MORE money. But back to the point...
I realise that I rely so much on my phone, for getting places, for taking photos of everything, for the time, for contacting people, for listening to music, for a torch, for a calculator, for checking dates, etc, etc, etc. & don't get me wrong, it's fantastic to have this device that you can basically use for everything, but lately I have been feeling like it's almost a part of me, and I don't like it. I want to be able to leave it at home sometimes, or in my bag or pocket even. I want a few days- phone less.
As for other material possessions, I want to cut down- especially when packing! It's like I think I'm going to need everything I own whilst I'm away, and so I just try to pack it ALL, just in case.

From now on, I'm going to make a conscious effort to cut down on material items. I don't want to bring anything travelling with me that I will be devastated to lose, apart from my camera of course.
It's ridiculous how emotionally invested we all are with objects, including things like pieces of paper and old socks. Why?! I get that some things remind us of nice memories, but if the memories were so nice, we shouldn't need reminders. It's handy to have things that you need on you, at all times, incase you DO need them, but most of the time we just end up regretting packing so many things, because it just weighs us down, and we don't even use them.

We have come to believe that 'Material Things Are The Best Measure Of Our Quality Of Life'- meaning the bigger our houses, the nicer our cars, the more money we earn and have = the better we and everyone else thinks our lives are. We live in a consumerist world, where all that matters is money, and things that money buy, making us care less about the good things in life.
Like love, and quality time, and nature, and air, and trees, and peace, and serenity.
I want to start living in the moment, rather than taking a photo of something, or experiencing it through a screen. I want to start living life without any baggage- LITERAL baggage. I don't want to be, A Material Girl

British, Blue eyed, Bass playing, Backpacker

A look across the dance floor, a jug of beer.

A crude open liner; honest & forward.

Whispers in our ears & yelling over the music.

Blue eyes & long wooly grandad jumpers.

English accent, music enthusiast, polite & a complete gentleman.

Cuddles under the moonlight & comparing constellations.

Rolling cigarettes between sneaky kisses.

Sand. Lots & lots of sand. 

In our hair, in our clothes, in our eyes.

In our mouths, on our lips.

Warm bodies & cold winds.

Being chased by the rain & watching the waves.

Facial hair & cloudy skies.

Long talks to accompany long walks.

Skin touching skin; tracing patterns.

Going down as the sun comes up.

3 hours sleep & tour guides.

Coffee & cool drinks.

A kiss to accompany a goodbye. 

Romance is not dead.

Thank you world, for this little slice of love