I feel like girls especially, are made to feel like they have to have a boyfriend to make them feel complete and happy and of any worth.
I feel like sometimes the whole 'couple' concept is so heavily ingrained into us, that when we aren't in a couple, we feel incomplete, or like we're doing something wrong.
But what ever happened to good old fashioned alone time?
I don't mean the kind of alone time that involves staying home feeling sorry for yourself, eating ice-cream and watching bad movies or tv shows.
I mean the kind of alone time that allows you to really get to know yourself.
Soul searching, Personality establishing, Invigorating, Enlightening, Alone time.
The kind of alone time where you genuinely want to spend time on your own.
Alone time that doesn't make you feel lonely.
I feel like the young generations these days, myself included, are so wrapped up in finding someone else to 'complete' them, or even just to talk to so they don't feel alone, that they don't ever bother getting to know themselves, and therefore, end up unhappy.
The amount of 12 years I've seen worrying about being "forever alone" is ridiculous.
Its even sad when 20 year olds think they're "forever alone".
Because seriously, you have your whole life ahead of you, and it's going to be full of random bump ins, and spontaneous meetings and all sorts of new and old people that will come into your life and surprise you or even just be right under your nose.
You WILL find love, whether it's the kind you were expecting or not.
& all of us get lonely sometimes and wish that we just had someone already.
But it doesn't work like that.
& what's worse is that, you shouldn't feel like you need somebody else to justify your existence.
You shouldn't feel like because you're single, that you have no worth or you can't be happy alone.
You should feel the most comfortable around yourself, because you are the person who should know yourself the best, and love yourself the most (apart from your mother of course).
Obviously everyone wants to be loved by others, but I cannot emphasise enough, how vital it is to love yourself first...
Because if you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
I was in a serious relationship for about a year and a half.
We lived together which wasn't the best idea, because it was my first experience living out of home.
It was meant to be my big 'move out' moment, but instead it was 'our' big 'move in' moment.
Obviously I didn't see this at the time- I thought it was a great idea, for "us"- but at that age, I should of been thinking about one person, and one person only- me.
& that's not to say everyone should think about themselves and only themselves, and not be in relationships- it's just that I think you really need to experience some things on your own, before you're ready to fully commit to someone else.
You have to know yourself, and love yourself, before anyone else can.
You have to be able to be alone and not feel lonely.
& I really don't think that you know yourself if you've only ever been with someone else.
I didn't realise until after I'd been broken up with by this guy, that I'd grown as a person with him, that he had had a lot of influence on my personality and growing, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but it just made me realise that because I'd started this 'adult' journey with him, I had no idea how to be an 'adult' on my own because I'd never been one on my own.
He didn't make me who I was, but we'd spent so much time together, and so many of my memories were with him, that I felt so lost when we broke up, and completely unsure of myself, and who I was.
As Oscar Wilde, once said:
"I think it's very healthy to spend time alone.
You need to know how to be alone and not be
defined by another person"
So that leaves us with the question of: How can you be alone, without feeling lonely?
And sadly, I don't know the answer.
I'm still searching. I'm still confused. I'm still lost.
I don't know myself, and I feel so dependent on people and so alone sometimes.
But I think that it's important for me to feel this way, and to do some serious soul searching so that I do find out who I am and who I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do.
Sometimes I think, yeah if I had a significant other right now, I wouldn't feel so lost, I would have someone to help me and someone to rely on and someone to love me and help me feel validated.
But what kind of fucked up thinking is that?
I should be able to feel that way by myself.
How can I put all that baggage and all those expectations on someone I'm meant to love?
I need to get to know myself to my core, before I can love myself.
& I need to love myself, before I can expect anyone else to.
So- If you feel alone, write about it.
If you feel alone, put on some music and lay on your bed and stare at the ceiling until you feel too numb to move and let your mind wander and drag.
If you feel alone, call a friend or a sister or a cousin or an aunty or your mother or cuddle with your dog, or invite someone over who will make you feel happy and who will cheer you up.
If you feel alone, ask yourself why?
If you feel alone, do something for yourself, do something that you want to do or have always wanted to do, but never gotten around to doing.
If you feel alone, sing really loud and dance on your bed.
If you feel alone, then go out and meet people.
If you feel alone, then google all the more depressing shit that's going on in the world and read about all the people who have it 999999999999 x worse than you do.
If you feel alone, read a book or watch a movie and pretend you're someone else for a while.
If you feel alone, go for a walk or a run and 'be one with nature'.
If you feel alone, book some sort of trip, big or small, and go somewhere amazing and somewhere super busy where you can stand and not only observe the beauty of the world but the beauty of humanity, and you can just enjoy it on your own and feel connected to the world.
If you feel alone, get a fucking dog, don't put that kind of emotional baggage onto other people.
If you feel alone, get drunk and feel sorry for yourself.
If you feel alone....
You are not alone.
(not a Michael Jackson song reference ;) )
