A Masterpiece of the Skies

Today I watched the sun light everything on fire.

The flames engulfed the air between the trees & the grass.

It lit up the skies & forced it's way through the clouds in a way that was so beautiful it burned my eyes.

There were shades of orange & pink & yellow & blue & the way they all blurred together was perfect, as if a painter had intended them to be.

It was a masterpiece of the skies.

Every ray of light that burnt the earth & soared through the particles of air were like kisses from the heavens.

Every shade was like a polite introduction.

Telling us politely & in the most incredibly beautiful way, that the day is coming to an end, and we all must say goodbye to our sun.

It waves at us with it's beams & rays.

It kisses our faces & skin, hovering there for the last few seconds.

& then it falls beyond the horizon, leaving faint traces of colours & light before the darkness takes over.

& then the moon presents itself, either half or whole or a quarter.

It watches lovers & caresses the creatures of the night, whether they be hunting for food or hunting for vodka.

It smiles as hundreds of lights appear both around it and below it. 

It brings us, one by one, the beauty & calmness of sleep.

& whilst it waits for the elegant sun, it watches the waves kiss the shore.

& just as the lights all disappear, and the moon is alone in the blackness at last, she cracks between the horizon with the brightest of lights he's ever seen.

He sighs as he sinks back beyond the sea, with the darkness, his last glance of the dancing colours & rays of fire licking the cool morning air.

For the sun the days continues, and for the moon the nights never end

🌞🌝

🌜☀️

🌅🌃

An Endless List Of Options

Everyone says how lucky we teenagers are these days, to have so many options available to us.
We have so much potential.
We have so many pathways to choose from.
& I am grateful.
But sometimes I wonder, if we have too many, and that makes things even harder to choose.

I think life is a bit like this in general at the moment.
There's not just milk or water to choose from for a beverage any more.
It's milk, cola, soda water, mineral water, fanta, lemonade, lemon water, lemon juice, apple juice, orange juice, TOMATO juice (the fuck?), tea, hot chocolate, latte, cappuccino, etc.
It's not even, chocolate or strawberry anymore, it's vanilla, triple chocolate, raspberry swirl, apricot sunrise, you get the picture.
There are so many choices, and options, that it's almost too much.
The ones i've mentioned are merely a slight touch upon some drinks and desert flavours.
I haven't even mentioned the job perspectives!

Don't get me wrong, like i said, I am so grateful to be privileged enough to have all these options open to me, and to live in a world where I get to make a choice on what I want to do, and who I want to be.
All i'm saying is, it's a little overwhelming.
Ok, it's VERY overwhelming.
Having to work everyday for the rest of my life, just to able to afford to live, DEPRESSES ME to no end.
So, I obviously have to find a job that I enjoy, otherwise I won't be able to bear it.
Which begs the question;
asked by all;
asked since I started school;
& asked everyday since;
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?

& the answer?
I couldn't tell you. I still don't know.
& I was always so scared of the future, because I had no plans.
I had no big goal that I wanted to work towards.
But I've learnt something, and that is;
you don't necessarily need a grand plan.
Sure, they're helpful, but not essential.
But life tends to throw us things, in unexpected ways.
There's no way of knowing whats ahead, so why not just live day by day.
Plans are fine, and I have some short term ones, because they are rather helpful.
But as for the long term, who knows? & who cares?

I'm not waiting for anything. 
I don't expect it to come crawling up one day and bite me on the ass.
So I'm just going to do whatever I feel like doing, (within reason) whenever I want to do it.
& hopefully, things will just happen as they are meant to happen.
If I feel like nothing in the world can make me as happy as sailing boats do, then I'll go out and work my ass off to be able to sail boats for the rest of my life.
If I need a PhD in something, to find happiness, then I'll do that too!
But right now, I'll just focus on earning some money, living day by day, enjoying living at home again, and jump at any opportunities that come my way.

Chaos & Pretty Skies

My life's becoming a blur of limited sleep, deafening alarms that go off way too soon and snatch me from my dreams, quick showers, convenient food and hardly any time for fun.
Its getting to the point, where I wake up most mornings feeling disorientated and confused.
I forget what day it is and have a mini panic attack, struggling to remember where I'm meant to be or what I'm meant to be doing.
I'm always behind on sleep and I'm finding it extremely hard to catch up.
I try to make myself have early nights but there's so many things I want to do during the night that I don't have time to do in the day anymore.
I miss sleeps ins.
I miss movie days.
I miss having a social life.
But I don't mind the money.
I'm currently working roughly 42 hours a week, and it's starting to take it's toll already.
Welcome to the Real World, as my father so lovingly points out.
He'll never be satisfied that I work enough.
Even if I worked 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, he would still question whether I'm doing enough.

It does amaze me, however, that even when your life can seem so busy and full, all the little things that make you feel genuinely happy and appreciative of the world.
Every afternoon, as I'm driving home, no matter how many rude customers I served, bitchy co workers I had to deal with, how tired and sad I feel, or how stressful and draining my day was, I am always at awe at the beauty of the sky.
For whatever reason, looking at the sun set in the distance, and the colours it wraps through the clouds, and the light flooding through the gaps, always, without failure, brings me such happiness.
Just looking at it!
Just admiring the beauty and thinking how fortunate we are to live in such a beautiful place.
It wipes my mind of any negative thoughts and literally fills me with some sort of euphoria.
& Isn't that strange?
That such a small thing, that most people overlook, brings me such a boost, in the darkest or dimmest of times.
It's just nice to think, how when your life is a bit chaotic, there will always be beauty and there will always be room for happiness, no matter where you find it.

Chasing Z's

You can never quite catch up on sleep.

Which is a shame because I am forever chasing it.

I am forever losing it.

I never think about morning me, that has to be up at 6 am, when I stay up late into the night & occasionally into the first cracks signalling dawn.

Morning me despises night before me.

& every morning she makes a vow to go to bed early from now on.

So far, that vow has been broken, every night.

Lost sleep is hard to reclaim. 

Almost impossible.

But Sundays often bring me long, drawn out sleep ins that I feel I have deserved throughout my 5 days of early, too soon risings.

You can't get the lost sleep back.

But you can sure as hell try 

Don't get so busy making a living, you forget to make a life

Lately it's been a bit difficult for me, to find time to create things & just be imaginative & creative.

I have a lot of ideas, & I write them down, but I've just been so god damn busy.

I've got 2 jobs now & if I'm lucky I get Sundays & Mondays off, though one of them is usually used to do the house cleaning that has stacked up over the week because I didn't have time to do it!

However, I think if we don't make time for creativity when it is so ingrained in us & ready to burst from our souls, we have an issue.

Therefore, I have decided to make Mondays my fun-days, or, productive days!

Where I use the day to create, make & do.

I've been painting & writing & making videos & songs & it's been great.

There's always time for jotting ideas down or even reading a few pages of my book whilst eating breaky or driving to work.

That last one was a joke. I don't read & drive, I was just seeing if you were paying attention.

It is incredible though, how much you DO manage to fit in between shifts & sleep.

Because really, when you're a creative person, you'll always find time for creating!

Even if sometimes it's your only day off & you would rather sleep in until 3!

I think it's just important to express yourself in any way possible & you should always make time for that.

Besides, it's part of who you are & a part of your life. 

If it makes you happy, should you make it wait?

You know what they say,

Don't get so busy making a living...

That you forget to make a life.