Empty Sheets

I was so used to sleeping to one side.

I was used to a body being beside me.

A body I could cuddle & spoon in the night. 

A body that kept me warm & stole the sheets.

But it's been a while since a body was in my bed.

It's been empty for a long time.

For ages I used it as a desk, a clothes dumping ground, a towel rack, a computer resting ground & just a general surface of things.

& I never roll over.

I never stretch out.

I've kept to this side for a long time.

Not because I think you're coming back.

But I wasn't used to being on my own.

I didn't know what to do with all the extra space.

& then I thought maybe I should leave it for someone else.

If I'm already in the habit of keeping to my side, why get out of it & have to start over again for a new person?

But, Today I came to a realisation.

My mum had cleaned my room & made my bed. 

Which meant is was open & empty & I had it all to myself.

It made me think of when I used to take up every inch I could, enjoying as many sheets as possible & whatever pillow I felt like sleeping on.

It reminded me of early nights & long sleep ins.

It reminded me of laying awake & staring at the ceiling, with just me & my thoughts. 

& I suddenly realised that I'm wasting a perfectly good half of a bed to an imaginary idea.

An idea of love & companionship that was & May or may not come again. 

Probably not anytime soon.

So I was wasting precious time.

Your side has been empty for long enough. & I don't have to fill it with anyone but myself. I can keep myself warm & I don't have to worry about giving anyone else space. Or comfort.

They are empty sheets,

But I can fill them myself.

It's all about me...

& that's how it should be.

Don't forget to love yourself first 💕